1 week

Well, it has been one week.  One week since we got home with the girls.  I can't believe how well everything has gone!  The Lord has really been good to us.  The girls are sleeping well  (although like any toddler/preschooler they would rather not), eating well and adjusting well.  


Ariana is the type of little girl that is so easy to love.  Most people take to her very quickly.  She is sweet, outgoing and energetic.  When we first met Elliana, we had some real concerns.  She has several questionable health problems.  She didn't speak, not even mutter sounds.  And she would not really engage us at all.  So we have been so surprised and delighted to see Elli come out of her shell.  Since being with us now for 2 1/2 weeks, her personality has exploded.  She is such a joy to have around.  She is super happy, and just plain hilarious.  She even hugs me and lays her head on my shoulder.  Something I though she would never do!  Eric and I were not to excited when we received a referral that included an 18 month old.  We had asked for a 3 & 4 year old.  However, we believe God knows best and accepted the referral anyway.  I am so glad we did.  We would have missed out on this amazing little girl.


Although the girls are doing great, they still have some issues of being institutionalized.  Ari needs constant reassurance in everything she does.  Elli is very scared of little things like cameras, vacuum cleaners, loud objects.  They both are scared of our pets.  Well, they were scared of the cat but now they are obsessed to the point of us having to hide the cat for her sanity!  The dogs we are moving a bit slower on but it will come.  Mainly because you don't get this mama without at least 1 dog!  It's just a fact they will have to accept.  :-)  Both girls are obsessed with food.  They have never really had a choice in food.  No choice in what they will eat, when they will eat or how much.  Now, we don't give them that much freedom but we have let them try many things just to see what they like.  They have both reacted a bit differently.  Ari has become picky. Elli, on the other hand, would eat anything she could get her hands on.  She even hoards it in her cheeks!  We have nicknamed her chipmunk.  


I can't imagine what their little minds are thinking!  I am sure at times they are like the Israelites.  Familiarity can look so much better than freedom in the midst of the journey.  I just pray that God whispers to them every night while they sleep that we love them and that this is a better place for them.  I also pray that they will embrace Jesus for all that he has done for them.  For buying their eternal freedom and also their earthly freedom.  I pray that Eric and I can have patience and understanding with them (they are cute but we are only human!).  


God is so good!


Thank you so much for all those of you who have been praying for the us.  We appreciate it more than we could ever express.  God has blessed us with so many wonderful people in our lives.  We would not be able to do any of this without you all!

Are you talkin' to me?

Growing up I had the typical girl dreams.  A big fancy wedding with prince charming, a cute little house in a quiet neighborhood, and a couple of kids and dogs.  You know, an Ozzie and Harriet life.  All was going as planned until shortly after Luke was born.  Eric came to me one day and said he just didn't want to live the Ozzie and Harriet life.  He said he wasn't sure what it looked like but the "cookie cutter" life wasn't what he saw for us.  This left me to my own imagination and let me tell you that is not good!  I had pictures of us living in straw huts, dirt floors in the middle of war torn Africa...with a baby!  Let's just say, I did not receive his news well.  I kept praying that God would either give me the same desire or destroy it in Eric's heart.  Ok, the truth is, I prayed more for the second half than the first.  BUT  I also prayed for a different picture in both our hearts that still pushed our comfort zone.

After Luke safety turned one here in America ;-), Eric started talking about adopting.  Quite frankly, I was not open to it.  I was not ready for it.  I wanted another biological child. You can't have Luke without a Silas.  They go together.  They were Paul's traveling partners.   I don't know why I was so stubborn.  I am sure fear had a lot to do with it.  So, we soon had Silas.  Ahh, Silas...I couldn't imagine my life without him!  For as long as I could remember, I wanted to be a stay at home mom.  I really wanted to be Harriet.  Calm, cool, collected and sweet.  Then I woke up.  Have you ever had one of those days where you say..."I am not as good at this as I thought I would be"?  Don't get me wrong.  I loved being a mom and I loved staying home with my boys.  Funny thing is...life is not a perfect TV show.  Not Ozzie and Harriet, not the Cleavers, not even the Cosby's.  Two kids seemed enough for us but I still had a nagging feeling for more.  I had decided it would be nice to have more but Eric and I were just not made for a large family or even one more child.

Then we decided to homeschool.  Now if you know anything about homeschooling, you know there are many large families.  There it was in my face.  All these super moms.  I started putting mom's of more than 2 kids on a pedestal.  Thinking "I wish I was made for that", "I wish I was a natural mother like her".  I know it is wrong but those were my honest thoughts.

So after some years of talking more about adopting.  We were on again, off again.  It seemed never the right time or that we just weren't right for it.  Then over night, we decided to go for it.  Honestly, during this whole process I expected God to stop it because we were right from the beginning.  We just weren't made for more.  We were made to be Ozzie and Harriet.  I would literally pray, "God, we are going to move forward with this unless you stop it"  I prayed that so many times that I am sure God was annoyed.  I guess I just couldn't believe that living outside of the Ozzie and Harriet life could be so easy...or at least so fun.  This had to be a pipe dream.

Now, just days before we pick up our girls (#3 & #4 in our quiver), I am still in awe.  I have even asked "God, did you forget to stop this earlier?  We are a little too far now, right?"  Maybe it is just the nature of adoption.  The natural uncertainty dealing with governments.  But I have had a hard time accepting that God had deemed me worthy of more children, to me the mother of these precious two girls that only deserve wonderful things after all they have been through.  I know I will not always live up to what they deserve.  Then God reminded me that Moses said the same thing before he lead Israel out of their captivity in Egypt.  God doesn't want someone capable of doing it on their own.  God wants the willing not the able.  There is no glory for God if you don't need him every step of the way.  So "God, don't bail on me now!"  And I know He won't because He has lead this journey from the beginning of time.  What a miserable mess I would be if it weren't for Him.

Exodus 3

Moses and the Burning Bush

 ¹ Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the wilderness and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. ² There the angel of the LORD appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. ³ So Moses thought, “I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up.”

 ⁴ When the LORD saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, “Moses! Moses!”

   And Moses said, “Here I am.”

 ⁵ “Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” ⁶ Then he said, “I am the God of your father,^[a] the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.” At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God.

 ⁷ The LORD said, “I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. ⁸ So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey—the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. ⁹ And now the cry of the Israelites has reached me, and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them. ¹⁰ So now, go. I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.”

 ¹¹ But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?”

 ¹² And God said, “I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you^[b] will worship God on this mountain.”

 ¹³ Moses said to God, “Suppose I go to the Israelites and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what shall I tell them?”

 ¹⁴ God said to Moses, “I AM WHO I AM.^[c] This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’”

 ¹⁵ God also said to Moses, “Say to the Israelites, ‘The LORD,^[d] the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.’

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  
                                                                                       Jeremiah 29:11

Letters and Reflections to My Daughters - 1 by Eric Collier

10 days to go, September 2011

Dear Ari and Elli,

There was once a man named John Newton.  John is famous for a song he wrote called Amazing Grace. 

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

T'was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.

Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
'Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.

Most books written about John, tell about his radical conversion from a wretched slave trader to a pastor.  His dramatic conversion reminds me of Saul's conversion to Paul.  Both stories tell of men who were very bad that turned good because of God's grace on them.  But what most people don't know, is that John Newton adopted two little girls and later wrote beautiful letters to them. 

My purpose in writing you is to share my deepest, unimaginable love for you, to encourage you to accept our love and share it throughout your blessed life, and to encourage you dear children;

"when you look at the sun  I wish it may lead your thoughts to him who made it, and who placed it in the sky, not only to give us light, but to be the brightest, noblest emblem of himself; there is but one sun, and there needs not be another; so there is but one Saviour; but he is complete and all-sufficient, the Sun of righteousness, the fountain of life and comfort; his beams, wherever they reach, bring healing, strength, peace, and joy to the soul.  Pray to him, my dears, to shine forth and reveal himself to you.  O how different is he from all that you have ever seen with your bodily eyes!  He is the sun of the soul, and he can make you as sensible of his presence as you are of the sunshine at noonday; and when once you obtain clear sight of him, a thousand little things which have hitherto engaged your attention, will, in a manner, disappear.

               

                As by the light of op'ning day

                The stars are all conceal'd;

                So earthly beauties fade away

                When Jesus is reveal'd.

I entreat, I charge you to ask him every day to show himself to you. Think of him as being always with you ; about your path by day, about your bed by night, nearer to you than any object you can see, though you see him not ; whether you are sitting or walking, in company or alone. People often consider God as if he saw them from a great distance : but this is wrong; for though he be in heaven, the heaven of heavens cannot contain him ; he is as much with us as with the angels ; in him we live, and move, and have our being ; as we live in the air which surrounds us, and is within us, so that it cannot be separated from us a moment. And whatever thoughts you can obtain of God from the Scripture, as great, holy, wise, and good, endeavor to apply them all to Jesus Christ, who once died upon the cross, for he is the true God and eternal life, and though he be the King of kings and Lord of lords, and rules over all; he is so compassionate, that he will hear and answer the prayer of a child. Seek him, and you shall find him ; whatever else you seek, you may be disappointed, but he is never sought in vain."

I loved you before I knew you...

After your oldest brother Luke was born, God first put the thought in my heart to adopt.  I didn't really know why at that point, I was just figuring out how to hold a baby and change a diaper (yuck), but that idea was there and not going away.  There was just this thought that life's circumstances can leave children without a mom and a dad and if we were not open to love and give these children a home, then who would?  It was in these moments that my love started taking root and God started giving me the capacity to love you.  We read a verse in the Bible in the book of James chapter 1 verse 27 that says, "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."

So indeed it was God that was stirring deep within us this desire to adopt you!

After discussing it, mom and I both decided to try and have another child and a few years after Luke, Silas was born. 

It took us a few years to get control of life again, but after doing so we started looking into adopting again.  A few years ago, we took some training classes and ultimately decided to wait until the boys got a little bit older. 

As you grow older, you will find great examples of faith and obedience by your friends and family.  We had many of those examples that we had witnessed adopt children and they provided encouragement to us.  Without them, I don't know that we would have had the courage or resolve to do it; so I thank God for them and he knows the reward they will receive.

That brings us to this year 2011 on a cold, dreary day in January. 

Mom and dad sat in our great room.  The one by the fireplace.  I remember it vividly as if it was  yesterday.  The snow was falling outside the big windows as we discussed adopting you.    "If you won't give these children a loving home, then who will?" turned into "if now is not the time, then when?"  We both agreed that we would and now was the time!  How appropriate that we were having Russian weather outside?  At that moment, our love sprouted its beautiful wings and we started loving you despite never having met you! 

Ya Tebya Lyublyu,

Papa